Sachara Chara Para Purna, Shivoham, Shivoham.
I am Shiva, the deity of eternal bliss. I am that which prevails everywhere, complete in itself. I am joy itself; I am bliss itself.
My day-to-day life is to make garlands for the deities, drum and sing my heart out in the most incredible pujas, and eat a lot of food. I’ve been in this mountain temple for almost six months now. My time will come to an end very soon. I can feel the next stories in my life already beginning to be written. I get such an incredibly strong desire a lot of the time to be a father. And three times a day I offer absolutely everything to Maha Kali to take care of. When I’ve had a great experience, I offer it in the same way as when I’ve had any troubles. It’s the secret to complete surrender – no attachment to anything, no matter how good it may feel. It’s all yours, Amma.
I’m finally in a place where I can rest because I need it. I get dizzy spells, and the only solution really is to rest regularly. For two days I worked against all my bodily signs to get the space rock sanding finished. For those two days, the rock itself never went above freezing, and most of the time water would freeze on it within a few seconds. But it was my duty to finish it, I had to detach from this body for a little while and just treat the body as a machine. It is the main reason why I have had energy issues since – I have a few trapped nerves in the neck/upper back from that time, and they will take a long while to heal. But if it wasn’t for this dizziness, I wouldn’t feel capable of resting so much now. There’s that feeling where you’ve worked yourself solid, and have been granted by all forces of the world the opportunity for the most blissful resting times.
This morning, when I went back to bed after puja, I had an extraordinary lucid dream. I was just walking around the ashram grounds here at Soma Skanda, and taking in everything that I was seeing and touching and smelling and tasting. Everything has become so incredible, and I was really, really content with just admiring everything, and being totally in the present moment. It was my first lucid dream where I could do anything without it interrupting the lucidity in the dream.
Shivoham. Shivoham. Shivoham.
It’s all yours.