The last puja

Tonight is my last night at Soma Skanda Ashram. Shakti and I are the only two that have been here since the very beginning of the building work this year, in early June, and we leave together with Swami Narayana early tomorrow morning.

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I think I would just get madder and madder in love if I didn’t leave here. It’s already totally made. I sent her an email the other day revealing that I’d told the Swamis that I’ll have children and spend the rest of my life with her. But, still no reply. And it really does take over, when living in an isolated mountain chalet with three middle aged/older monks. I can’t quite imagine how my first interaction with ANY younger attractive female will be, but I’ll try and think and act compassionately.

Times have still been absolutely immense here. Here is where it’s at for pujas. Think Shakti full moon puja, but that puja being every single puja we have here. It’s incredible how receptive Lord Shiva is to his praises. You praise him more energetically, and he radiates more energy for everyone to take in. Tonight’s puja, a few months back, I would have said was one of the best pujas ever. But now that that’s a daily occurrence, I can’t say it. Just the pujas are mind-blowing. One more puja and then I’m off.

I’ll be at Skanda Vale for Christmas. I feel like it’s a social visit more than anything. I feel like my spiritual home is now here, but there will be all my Skanda family at Skanda Vale, as well as friends/mum outside of Skanda.
And I leave Skanda Vale to begin my life away from Skanda Vale on the 30th December, the day after I turn 27. They say the spiritual life goes in 9 year cycles, and 27 is the beginning of a new cycle. How extremely perfect timing.

I think I’ve felt quite lonely here recently. I’ve really missed total immersion in communication with those I’ve connected really strongly with. Sure, Swami Narayana is a karmic brother of mine, and we connect on a great level, and we could easily spend lifetimes living around each other. But there’s a difference between the normal connection and that that makes the heart beat a bit stronger, a bit stronger, a bit stronger still. I say I love a girl, but she’s the most recent person to induce the stronger heartbeat. I’ve had it from a number of people before, but really she’s the only one in quite a long time now. And it blinds me when it becomes such a rare experience. I need it much much much more. I get slight doubts about moving to the Isle of Wight because maybe there won’t be those incredible soul connections available there. But it’s there only way at the moment, for now at least.

I’ve been teaching the two new Swamis a number of things for life here. One, I’ve introduced Swami Prema to conch blowing. He was so happy for the opportunity to do the conch in the lunchtime puja, the first and last aarthis, but I realise how much my experience of blowing it every single day for the last 6 months effects the energy of the puja. There’s so much power in what I’m doing – and I’ve learnt to almost completely harmonise, with each conch bow, with the aspect that I’m conching for. This is something that takes a long time to feel the subtleties of. But it’s great that Swami Prema is feeling the devotional aspect of conching.
And I’ve taught Swami Amba the art of garlands making. He’s nervous because he’s never really made a garland before. But I’ve taught him pretty much everything I know, and the rest is for him to learn through experience.

We went for a walk today to the river in the next valley. It’s my old running route, that I ran every day for a month in the summer, but have barely ran since, and haven’t even strolled in over two months because the of snow and ice. It was really good, and felt like I was competing my time here as a result.

I don’t know when I’ll be back. I told Swami Durga (Markus) that I feel like I’ll be here for a seminar sometime next year. It would be to Lord Shiva to sort out really, so I’m detaching from this one, just as I’m detaching from everything else in life. Everything is a product of divine play.

I have quite a clear feeling that I need to set up a proper proper shrine in my new home, and have morning and evening pujas there at the very least. I feel like my time here has taught be so much about worship, especially my time when I’ve been the only devotee. It’s been such a very very incredible opportunity. And it would be impossible for me to stop it having a huge effect on the rest of my life.

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One thought on “The last puja

  1. Ace Hardware coupons

    That’s tough. But if it is your mind keeping you awake, that may be the way to solve this. As Mr. Spock says, “Pain is a thing of the mind, and the mind can be controlled.” I once went through a period like this and found that I could force myself to let go and think of nothing, and I would fall asleep. But it is strenuous to do and hard to keep up. Now, I settle for a happy medium where I try to not pursue lines of thought but don’t actively try to think of nothing.

    Reply

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