Shivoham Muruga

[previously unpublished]
written late December 2016

I am Shiva,
I am Bliss.

Tonight I was the second choice singer from the men’s side. The first choice didn’t want to sing – he’d said at supper time that he’d refused to sing before, but sometimes does sing.

I’d sung only safe, or easy, bhajans upto this point since being away from Soma Skanda. Despite learning quite a few new bhajans at Soma Skanda, and being very confident singing them there, I hadn’t sung them here yet. I had an internal spark about this today – it became clear that a big part of Soma Skanda is with me all the time, but needs to come out in the singing.

Satchara Chara Para Purna, Shivoham Shivoham.

Lord Shiva is everywhere. But he works through some of us, selected by him, whose roles in life are to give service always to Lord Shiva. I was reminded this by Babaji at the end of the inauguration, he’d asked me how I was doing, then told me to keep offering seva, service unconditionally, to Lord Shiva. Here at Skanda Vale, they’ve been through a lot over the last half a year since we’ve been away, and were very low on people at times to look after everything. They got hardened by it all, and the temples too. Now it all must be softened again. My bhajan is one of the most powerful to do that, sung by Judith on the last day of the inauguration I think partly to ground everything in a cosmic sense.

I had several comments after the puja about it. It was actually so much harder to sing it here than ever at Soma Skanda, I think partly because the rhythm section of Brother Danny and Brother Tobias were overpowering and slowing down and didn’t speed up when I tried to on the ‘namah shivaya’s’. But the energy is also different, though I did find a very similar resource of energy whilst singing tonight as I would go to in Soma Skanda when singing. But people were quite taken away by the bhajan. It reminded me a little of numerous pujas at Soma Skanda when the Swamis would tell afterwards about what an incredible puja it had been, when I’d been the sole bhajan singer and had tapped fully into the vast ocean of grace that was available there in the temple. I didn’t explain the process to them at all, that I would just offer myself completely at the beginning of puja and then I would be an instrument of Lord Shiva for the entire duration, singing exactly what felt like what he wanted to hear. And Shivoham felt like one of his favourites.

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