Smiles and Sadnesses

She goes ‘la la, la la la la, la la la la la la, la la la la la la, la la la la la, la’

I am seeing the causes of suffering at the moment as being rooted in a rejection of Love.  Even if it is not seen, there is something stopping that Love getting in, something stopping it from permeating everything about existence.  It is like when you see a timid bird.  The bird is scared to receive Love from you unless you are working at its level.  If you go to its level, then it may come up to you, be with you, and you can mutually share secrets.  Until you drop this dominating aspect of being yourself, the bird is incapable of receiving the Love that you may want to be sharing with it.  Relate this to a Mother/Father and a Son/Daughter, and it clicks.
I believe that parenting is solid focal point on this one.  And if there are no parents there, then whatever else the infant/child is looking up to in order to receive that Love.
Perhaps, maybe, there is a necessity to cultivate within the very young a method of finding unconditional Love, rather than settling with merely conditional Love?

I see something divinely different in my relationship with my mother now.  In Bath, I have been working at sending Love directly through physical touch – to hug until the Love has effectively been transported, connected.  Most of the time, the Love is shared – it is a mutual connection of our hearts, and I receive just as I give.  Sometimes, there will be a fragile heart that receives and is afraid to give out.  It could be the timing of the hug, or it could be to do with something deeper that is creating a lot of soreness.  I just give and give, because that is what is important.  There have been times in the past where my heart has been struggling and people have given to me.  Kudo, our late family member who is now in other lands, gave to me perhaps the greatest gift that this heart could ever receive all those years ago.  I feel indebted to the world, to be a servant to this Love that is thriving inside me.  I hope that my heart is a good environment for it.
Back onto my mother – it was from an offering of unconditional Love, the way I have learnt to give it.  I don’t think that I had ever given Love to her so unconditionally, so freely.  There has always been something wrong:- perhaps some resentment, perhaps some troubles on my side or on hers, just things that have been dividing our deeper Love-connection.  The other night I gave Mum a hug, and in true style I did not want to let go until the hearts had connected.  Things had seemed a little distant for my relationship with her since being back this time, and I wanted to find out why.  She seemed okay with having to stay in this hug for a long time.  I felt her heart being so incredibly distant from me.  I’m not sure what had caused it to be that far away.  It was like it had been proper hardened since I’d last properly hugged her.  I persevered, and was determined to attain this heart-to-heart connection of energies.  My heart was open and knocking on the door of hers, but it took a long time to get a response.  When it did, it was magical.  Tears flurried, and I could feel it all revealing.  This is what it’s all about I repeated to myself over and over.  This is what it’s all about.

There’s something I don’t understand about King’s Lynn.  I am going into the town fairly regularly now, as I have to do a lot of research for my dissertation.  When I was growing up here, King’s Lynn seemed almost ferocious.  It was a scary place at times to be in, and lacked any kind of gentleness.  It is not a surprise about how some people get truly hardened by living here.  But when I’ve been in the town lately, it has seemed like a little kid, a little ‘troubled’, but often crying out with joy.  So much joy, and such rawness of it!  It is a magnificent blend of energies for me now, and I now get excited when thinking about my next trip to the town.  Could it be that an energy shift has happened?  If so, has it happened externally, or internally?  Was I more scared of the town in times passed merely because it resonated the fear that already existed prominently within me?

This leads me onto my next suggestion.
When I was growing up, fear was a huge burden for me.  I was fearful in so many different ways, and did not get comforted for it, or get helped with transcending it.  I was not given any tools to use in aiding my upbringing.
I propose that I spend big amounts of time in future years in helping the youth to reclaim their unconditional joys.  I propose that I teach methods for relinquishing themselves from attachment to insufficient means, and to uptake more sustainable means.  To convert the disappointments of parents and the attitudes of friends and teachers and the community in general into an empowerment of oneself towards creating the actual world around that should have been there all along.  To empower the youth, from aged 0 to aged-whatever.  To see the youth creating their own wings that allow them to soar; creating their own voice that will be heard and held in respect for miles around; creating the world that we all could have created but got lazy in doing so.  We have been cultivated into laziness.  I don’t want to see this happen to yet another generation.  We have the dreams.  I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, we still have dreams.  Let us take ourselves to them.

There will be no longer that I see a smile and fail to smile myself.
There will be no longer that I see a tear and fail to feel the tear inside of me.
These people are our people.
We are not separate from all of the sufferings and happinesses that permeate the ground underneath us.
We are the suffering, we are the happiness, we are all of what we see around us.  We are the lack of freedom.  We are the liberated.  We are the slaves.  We are the relinquished and the banished.  We are plants that are dying out, we are the planet as she melts and pours, we are the blood that falls to the soil, we are the soil that soaks up the blood.  We cannot withdraw our responsibility from what is happening all around us, for the responsibility will always bite us on the backside.  The responsibility is not there to be debated over.  The responsibility is there to be acted upon.
In Smiles and Sadnesses I see many futures and many pasts.  They all tell their own tales.  I don’t want to hear any of them anymore, as I want to do nothing but create new worlds all around me.  I don’t want to settle for anything written in history books anymore.  I feel that life is so much more than this.  This feeling inside of me – that is what life is.  And this feeling inside of me can and will spread to the entire world all around me.

Lets do this.  The path is already trotted.  Follow the steps that are there, or make your own.

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