Letter to Self – Winter 2009/10

Dear Simon,

I hope you don’t find it weird that I’m writing you this letter.  I think I’ve got some things to tell you, and maybe you can help me with them.

Firstly, did you notice how similar it was walking through Auxerre and being on that bus between Semarang and Jepara?

How is it that we always think our life needs something more?  We even want more sometimes even when we know things are great.

What ever happened to Sophie?  Do you think we’ll ever talk again?  And do you think we’ll meet Elf again?

Why is it that we feel and do things so differently to the mainstream?  Why was I created different, yet they similar?

Aren’t you excited by how our relationship with Dad has become?

Will we ever truly find our ‘purpose’ to live?

What’s happening with Jason?

Well done on getting to the level we’re at right now.  It’ll give us a big boost in energy by resting this winter.  Maybe that’s what’s happening to Jason – his energy isn’t very constant and he’s been struggling to find somewhere to rejuvenate his energies.  Maybe it’s all a matter of what will give and what will take energies away.  But it works on many levels.

The alpha level is the most clear to us – we feel sleepy or fuzzy-headed etc. by something we consciously know is happening.

The beta level, however, comes in through sympathy.  When people feel sorry for the way you obviously have been drained, that you have less alpha energy than they do, they will try and help you.  This may give you a boost in your alpha energy, but they can take some of your beta energy for themself, usually selfishly.

The third energy is condra.  Condra gets taken away when you seek to help yourself (by looking and submitting to nature) and so go on a computer, or watch TV, or play a computer game, aiming to allow the nature of time to heal things needing healing.  You would normally over-indulge in watching these screens and end up losing some condra energy, although gaining sometimes a lot of alpha energy (e.g. surfing the internet and eating chocolate so much that it stimulates the alpha energy, thus leading to being anxious to physically get going again, with often a little depression).

To replenish energies is different for each person, but it would normally be to get in touch with the Qi, or Chi, the healing life-force, which needs a diversion of energies to kickstart it.  Sometimes this doesn’t require any effort on our behalf other than letting it happen, like in sleep, or allowing thoughts to come and go.  Remember when we were playing progressive guitar this time last year a lot?  We did that to get into the Qi (the progressive energy was from the Qi) and thus heal whatever needed healing.  The energy and motivation needed to get on the guitar and play (which wasn’t a large amount) actually gave the kickstart to the Qi in this instance.  And the Qi healed, and after playing we were left with a feeling of being somewhat refreshed, as our alpha energy had been refreshed, as with our beta energy.

We can take the energy terms away and call it our mental well-being (alpha), and our confidence, pride and spirit (beta).  Condra is our soul, which is often stripped of purity rather than stripped of substance.

Sometimes people can replenish energies, but it must be always their natural energies doing the healing rather than the thought that healing should be given, as the idea that somebody needs healing often implies that there’s something wrong with them, and can do little more than drain them.  For instance, sometimes when I was travelling last year people would try to help me, but I didn’t take their advice and was just left feeling worse about myself, and less confident and proud.  Thus we should never sympathise for another being, but help by being natural around them for they will be healed much more by our true soul and spirit.

Power places can access the Qi and give it energy.  However, all power places are personal power places, and some can be scary by their amounts of power, especially when you feel on your own.

Notice when people are giving our energy.  If you take in this energy you allow it to circulate, and often it will do good.  One such example is at gigs, when a live band are playing.  If they are putting out a lot of energy with their music people will often absorb it and allow it to circulate.  People will feel like dancing.  If noone takes in the energy, noone will feel like dancing and the band will only have a limited supply of energy.  If it is circulated the band have limitless energy.

The elements are the purest forms of energy.  It is where our energy comes from.  A fire burning wood will release great amounts of energy into the atmosphere.  That is why it there is such a feeling of contentedness when sitting all afternoon looking into a fire.  The same applies with flowing rivers and the sea, as the energy builds up and builds up all the time, until it becomes more stagnant (like when a fast flowing river seeps into a lake).  This is because the elements of nature have a lot of energy, more than could ever be built up by any animal.

It is the human being’s path to have to find out how the energy system works, and to establish ways of keeping it constant like the elements of nature.  It is every animal’s path.  And once we all have constant energy, we’ll be as pure as nature.  Unfortunately the humans have their system, in general, a lot further away from being pure than a lot of other animals. Some have already made it, like the elk and some species of deer, and a few birds.  But the human’s closest ways seem to be to base itself on the ways of these significant animals, rather than us finding our own ways.  One of the reasons we’re so astray is because we’re not told the important things when we’re growing up in these bodies.  We’re now capable of making the choice to live differently, and so it is up to us if we decide to take the route of attaining this purity of living.

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