Energyless

Last week I went all around Norfolk in mad research trips, one of which didn’t really mean anything more than travelling an extra 100 miles for it.  Last week was a week after a tiring, madness week of writing 6500 words in just over a week, which gave me one all-nighter, yet much time of feeling quite softly chilled whilst working long hours.

I got back to Bath on Thursday night, got up early on Friday for the Good Friday service at the Abbey, then was up extra early on Saturday to hitch out of Bath with a friend to Oxfordshire for a skydive that we’d have on Sunday.  I slept little on Saturday night, as the cold and the crampedness in the tent cramped my sleeping style (3 of us sharing a 2-person tent, on Hinton Airfield).  I got up for sunrise, which was terrific, and meditated a while then chased a bird into the air, connected.
Stresses involved in strategising the plan when hitching from the location the car broke down at, on the way to Salisbury.  A ride to Exeter, which I took to the Warminster junction, great.  A ride a few minutes later, back on my own again, from an energy-connector who I connected much with.  And I was back in Bath.

Bath threw me off this time.  I had a headache straight away when I got onto London Road, on walking towards a bus stop.  The bus took me to the station that had no buses, so I got a coffee and stopped.  A bus back to about 10 minutes away, so I had to walk the last, drained of energy and with a feeling of illness starting to take over.

Jes, I hadn’t felt illness all winter.

Back at the flat, I ring Mum and am knackered, I eat food with Chris and I am falling asleep, I wonder onto my bed and write the April Fools’ Day message that will grab a few, whilst battling the inner battle of unwelcome-sleep.

I finally get to put my head down, and I know that I don’t have anything that I have to do to stop me sleeping for many hours.
All through the night I am waking with being almost in pain from fatigue.  I tell myself that it’s okay, I can rest now, but my mind is telling me of how tired it is and won’t give up with that.  I am kept awake by my own tiredness at different times in the night, then woken by tiredness in the morning.

And here I am, after 12 hours of being awake, spent mostly in my room either watching a movie of dwelling on things whilst giving full priority towards relaxing everything as much as possible.

This is now going to be the first time that I actually ask myself how this tiredness feels.

So tell me, what is going through your body and mind at the moment?
I am in a state of shell-shock as my body is saturated with fatigue and illness and my mind has a cloudiness that won’t fall away.  I am feeling so, so tired, yet I do not feel like I have been able to rest.  I just don’t want to use up more energy when I feel there is little energy there to be used up.

What role does illness have in determining how much energy you have in any given moment?
At the moment I know that if I needed to, I could do anything still.  This illness does not defeat me, it is just feeling like it is telling me to make the decision to stop.  I have done so much recently, that it is important now to stop for a while, to rejuvenate.

Is there a skillful way to ‘stop’?
Yes, there are many.  Try and maintain a positive posture no matter how you ‘stop’.  For me, this works by having a cushion underneath my hips, so that they don’t stiffen up too much.  Try and also have regular breaks in your ‘stopping’.  I haven’t done this so much today, but it would be good to stop ‘stopping’ and start meditating, for instance, every now and then.  This makes sure that the mind is able to be relaxed properly.  And, especially if ‘stopping’ for longer than just a day, make sure that the mind is well-humoured and the body is releasing plenty of endorphines, which is done best when releasing them through internal mechanisms, be it through have internal jokes, or connecting with spiritual Loving power, or through doing things similarly beneficial.  External mechanisms can of course work, but it would be much more beneficial to be self-sufficient on this part so that at any given time an endorphine release may be triggered.

What if you cannot ‘stop’ for whatever reason?
You make time to ‘stop’, no matter where or when it is.  A key thing I’ve got into over the past year is ‘bus meditation’.  I meditate whilst I am on a bus, giving particular attention towards shifting downwards any energy that is stuck in the third-eye.  Also, it is very beneficial to meditate shortly after waking in the day, and right before going to sleep.  This enables for the mind to be in the most relaxed states in order to both be ready for daytime activities and to be ready for sleep.  This, in turn, will enable for energy levels to be much more fluid, free, and constant, without doubt.

So how did you get to being this energyless, if there are measures that you could have taken to maintain the energy?
It is perhaps for a number of reasons.  Firstly, I have not maintained meditation strongly within my routine.  I have been skipping, in particular, morning meditations, and I am sure that this has had an adverse effect despite being able to do a little bit of ‘bus meditation’ within the recent days.  Secondly, I have had a few things happening to my body that I should maybe have been a little more mindful of.  My right hip had been clicking a few days ago, and yet I did not seek to support it better despite developing several techniques and remedies for it.  The reason for why the hip deteriated is probably due to a stomach complaint from mid-last week, which would have affected the natural energy balance.  Combine this with the fact that I had a very cold sleep on Saturday night, and that I skydived yesterday, and it is understandable of how the energy would have become imbalanced.  All in all, it is through having become imbalanced that the energy stopped being so fluent.

What is the immediate plan, for getting the energy going again?
This, firstly, is a real start.  Writing down why I am feeling this way, and looking deep within me for how I could have prevented illness, has helped me to see things that I wasn’t able to see earlier in the day.  I guess I will take my own advice on how to maintain/improve energy flow that I wrote in my answer to ‘what if you cannot ‘stop’ for whatever reason?’.  Meditation, meditation, meditaation.  I will also make sure that I move more now.  I had such cravings earlier for the comforts of warmth, of relaxing all muscles, and of not really moving at all.  I feel like I’ve experienced this now, and so now I can move on to other things.  Meditation will get things going again, and then it’s important to breathe fresher air, to eat food, to drink drinks.  Pump my energy onwards, onto other things, and I will go onwards onto other things.

To all who are feeling energyless in this given moment: please do enjoy it for what it is.  It is like every other moment.  We are all One with both the energy and the non-energy.  And when we have the energy, then maybe it is beneficial to realise that we are the same being that has the energy as that which does not have the energy.  We are in the same boat as ourselves, future and past, which may or may not feel as good as you are feeling at the moment.  And that being, no matter how it is, could be looked after better, always better.

Then, maybe, we can see this energy inside of ourselves as being the same energy that is inside of a fellow being, whether or not human.  There is no real separation between yourself and that other being, when it is the same driving energy inside of each.  When we look after ourselves, we are looking after every being that is in existence.  We are looking after this energy, which will pass onto other beings, as we take in energy from other beings.  We look after the being that is harbouring the energy, and the energy becomes more beautiful, and becomes stronger and more creative.

We shall never give up except when in harmony with the beauty of the world.

 

Originally from: http://sisinvincible.livejournal.com/121018.html on May 01, 2013, 22:44.